Run for Fun?

I warn all who know me very well, you will be shocked by this post. But don’t worry, I think you will recognize that I am still in my “right mind” as it all unfolds. Firstly, it seems as though I love fast food a little too much lately. I’m not one to usually care much about how unhealthy that is, or to mention anything about “watching my weight.” But I have definitely gained some weight lately, and I don’t like the fact. So, I’ve thought a lot more about…exercising. What?? Yes, you all know I generally hate that idea. I am the kind of person who has always loathed running, even as a kid.

Back in school, the mile run was essentially torture, but most asthmatic weaklings would agree. I remember that I skipped gym class during a mile run at least once in high school. Heck, I even lied to my teacher in elementary school about having an orthodontist appointment to get out of playing kick ball. Kick ball! Pretty pathetic, but I hate being forced to run or play sports when I don’t want to. And wanting to was…pretty rare. Still is, and today is officially a rarity.

Coincidently, my brother is also feeling the need to start exercising. Though, clearly, something needs to be done when you no longer have the energy to hop a low fence to retrieve a frisbee.

Though, the giant chopstick-like contraption is an interesting alternative. It’s certainly more fun than going around the fence. I can’t hop that fence successfully either, it’s true.

As luck would have it, Matt decided to get a treadmill for the extra bedroom.

Great, I don’t have to go to the gym. This has several advantages. You see, it has always been the case that when I want to do something that I find fairly distasteful, I require a novelty. So, I’ve thought about some things I can do that will psych me up while I run the treadmill to make the experience less torturous.

First of all, no run is complete without some great music to pump you up. In this case, I might choose Virgin Steele’s Invictus. Truly epic stuff.

If that doesn’t work I can always move onto reading "The Daring Girls Guide to Danger."

Number eight on the list actually suggests dying your hair purple! I haven’t tried that yet, but I did co-author a song called “Purple-haired Freedom” at one time.

If reading about how to be more dangerous doesn’t psych me up for a good run, I can always conjure some aggression by playing some Street Fighter II.

Such a classic!

Yes, the controller will reach. It’s a great idea! But I guess it could potentially be a little too dangerous to run on a treadmill and play Nintendo at the same time. Well, there’s always magnet poetry. Can’t get any safer than that.

Though, it might be pretty hard to place the words into properly aligned sentences like that. Drat.

I’ve got it! I know an activity that can be both safe and thrilling. I could set up some kind of virtual fantasy world where I am the super hero, and am running intently to capture some bad guys. Seriously, it’s not too high tech. of an operation. I’ve got all I would need already. The zany super hero glasses:

and the world (3D dvd) of choice.

Now, I can totally see myself doing that! Once all these novelties wear off, though, I could potentially be screwed. Let’s hope for the present that I can effectively brainwash myself into disregarding the truth behind these words from Back to the Future III, which have become like a motto to me, “Run for fun? What the **** kind of fun is that?”

Art Appreciation

Some time ago, while I was messing around on Facebook with this application where you pick your top five choices for various catergories, I realized that I have an insufficient knowledge of many subjects. While it is easy for me to pick favorite bands, books, and tv shows, there are other things that I haven't explored enough to distinguish my favorites. The main subject that caught my attention was the fact that I can't name my five favorite artists. I guess I just haven't been that into art. So, I've decided to finally establish some favorites!

I began the search by trying to find the artist who painted this picture I have on my wall of two girls in a rowboat with a lantern:

I really love this picture! The lantern really just seems so beautiful and special to these girls. It reminds me of a line from a Rush song that mentions wanting to be "Lit up like a firefly, just to feel the living light."

Sadly, I couldn't find this picture on the internet. But, I found this other one called Carnation, Lily, Lily, Rose by John Singer Sargent which I think I may like even more:

Apparently, to get the effect of the light and colors of lanterns at dusk just right, he only painted at this time for about ten minutes a day, and it took him years to do it. I applaud his dedication, but I kinda feel bad for the girls having to put on those dresses every night.

Another picture that I had on my wall that I really enjoy got me interested in Edgar Degas (Dancers, Pink and Green):

I got a book of his work at the library, and enjoyed these paintings as well.

Singer in Green:

Four Dancers:

Singer with a Glove:

and Before the Curtain Call:

While I'm on the subject of art, I also had the opportunity to see two 1980s themed art shows this month. One of the shows specifically had a 1982 theme, and one of the artists showing her work was my sister's good friend Gentry Blackburn. I forgot to take pictures of her paintings, but I've attempted to recreate one of them for you:

Arguably, Khan is one of the sexiest older men in the history of cinema (especially against a backdrop of neon lasers!)

Umm...moving on. The other art show, at Signed and Numbered, was displaying and selling prints of paintings inspired by quotes from 80s movies. The movies included: The Goonies ("Hey, you guys!"), The Three Amigos ("You sons of a motherless goat!"), The Princess Bride ("Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!"), Labyrinth ("Smell bad!), and many more. They were so awesome, and certainly fed my nostalgia cravings for that day. I even bought some for my room. This one shows John Cusack from Say Anything:

The quote on there is, "I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

I also got one with a quote from The Outsiders, but I still need to get it framed:

It says, "Stay gold, Ponyboy."

I specifically wanted these pictures because they depict young characters who are making decisions to live their lives authentically and optimistically. That's a decision that I feel is always good to remember. However, I actually entertained the idea of getting a picture of Bluto saying, "Smell bad!" for the bathroom, but I'd hate to start off my venture in the art world with such distasteful instincts. Though, it still makes me smile a bit. As does that sinister picture of President James Buchanan I considered buying (don't worry, this picture had nothing to do with an 80s movie). So, that covers the beginning stages of my explorations with appreciating art more. I've offically begun forcing more "culture" into my life. Yay for me!

I Love the Devil (but not really)

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to read through and comment on some poems that a friend of mine was preparing to get published, and it got me in the mood to write some poetry of my own. It was a pretty rare mood actually, as the only times I’ve ever written poems in the last few years have been times when I simply had nothing else to do. Sometimes I wrote them at work because one of the rooms I was stuck in for 5 hours didn’t have a computer, and if I forgot to bring something to work on, it was an incredibly boring work environment. There was always paper and pen there as a backup for something to do, though. Unfortunately, those poems I wrote at work always turned out…shockingly depressing. I say “shockingly” because I had no idea I was feeling that way until they were written. So, honestly, writing poems wasn’t ever an especially pleasant experience.

I remember one incident where I was simply waiting for some spaghetti noodles to cook, and decided to write some poems while I waited. Afterwards I told my roommate that I just wrote two poems while my food was cooking, and that one was a love poem, and the other was about the devil. I read one aloud to her, and she asked, “Was that one about the devil?”

I hung my head, “That was the love poem,” I answered, a bit discouraged and confused. To be fair, I think that perhaps I do have a bit of a dark sense of romantic attraction. For instance, if I were a fictional character in a story, I can very well see myself as the girl who is secretly in love with the villain. Like, if I were What’s-Her-Bucket in The Phantom of the Opera, I know I would go for the Phantom. Crazy though he is. Seriously, villains are far more interesting than heroes, in general, wouldn’t you say? Incidentally, the villain in a story I was working on a long time ago was based off of the guy whom the love poem was directed to. So maybe there is more to this, “Was that one about the devil,” madness than meets the eye.

I guess perhaps I’m getting at the fact that when I do decide to share my poems, no one really gets them. But writing for clarity, with poems, is never my intention, anyway, so, I’m not entirely certain why that is frustrating. In fact, I think that when I do write them, they are basically about very personal information that I have chosen to put in a short enigmatic poem, rather than to elaborate on and actually explain. Because that would probably turn out to be even more shocking to myself, and if I decided to share it, it would be more embarrassing if people really knew what I meant. On the other hand, what would be the point of sharing it, if people didn’t know what I was talking about?

Luckily, with this sudden mood to write poems a few weeks ago, for the fun of it and not because I was bored, I actually wrote about positive and incredible experiences that I had. In fact, that was really the best part of being in my poetry mood. I made a list of really wonderful or important feelings in my life that I wanted to share with people, however or whenever possible. I’m hoping to be able to share these experiences with those of you that read this blog at least. And I will give some details so that you don’t confuse my feelings on love for my feelings on the devil. That incident was just…so odd.

My Letter Box

I have a letter box that contains practically all of the written correspondence I’ve had since high school. I keep as many birthday cards and thank you notes as I can remember to stash away. I keep every wedding announcement – even if I didn’t know the couple so well.

Yet of course there are the important things, like the original draft of a letter I sent once, that came as close to saying “I love you” as I could at the time. And the reply, still wrapped in the original red ribbon. I think his girlfriend must have picked it out. Read the letter. Tied the bow. I used to read it all the time. I tried to read it out loud once, to a friend, but couldn’t. My voice…cracks. That’s probably why when I felt that way for someone new, I couldn’t say it either. I wrote it in a letter. This time there was no mistake. It said, “I love you,” clear and true. Then again, do written words really say anything? I wish so, or that letter box is just a box.

I consider myself courageous, sometimes, for the things I’ve allowed myself to share through a box, an inbox. My friend once told me that the internet was like a refrigerator door, a place to look at memos and information at a glance. Except, my letters were an extension of that. My feelings, in words, and occasionally unrequited words, may as well have been that cold. I’m a great friend…like an industrial refrigerator, which is, essentially, a giant box.

I can’t write him the way I used to. And now that courage has nowhere to show itself. Oh, I could share it with those I don’t trust as much. But I don’t think they would understand. That’s where the courage has run. But I don’t want it hidden. I can’t stand it that way. Incredible moments, feelings, and ideas are not supposed to stay in my head, or my journal, or my inbox. I can’t hoard them away, and mix the powerful with the mundane like I do the notes inside my letter box. That deep red ribbon is of much more value than that pristine and glossy white one from that random wedding announcement.

More than the fear that people may misunderstand, I know, is the fear that they will not care to. The fear that to them I am really nothing more than a refrigerator door, with a memo that reminds them to get around to reading that book, eventually. Or to pick up batteries at the store. But they forget the errand nonetheless. Useless fears. I must encourage my courage to come out to play. Or else these words remain inside...my mind (a box), my heart (a box).

Hope

I'd just like to take a minute and share with everyone that I have a strong testimony of fasting. It really seems to dramatically increase the power of prayer. It also increases our ability to feel and be guided by the Spirit to an astounding degree. Though not one of my most faith-building fasts, I realized that the one I had yesterday was certainly acknowledged by the Lord. I take a minute on the Saturday night before fast Sunday and think who needs a fast, someone I know or me. I decided that I needed one myself, as lately I have that feeling that I suspect creeps in around a person's entry into her seventh year of college. A bit of hopelessness. Regarding mostly everything. I don't like to ever think of myself as being depressed or lacking optimism. I mean, my favorite author and American hero is Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of the most inspiring and optimistic men in history. It boggles my mind that people can honestly feel a way they don't want to feel. Such is reality. Anyway, I fasted for Hope. Unspecific besides, just hope. Today I picked up the new August Ensign that our home teacher had handed me yesterday (I wish I had read the cover then!) and the cover story was, "Single and Steadfast: Lessons in Hope."

Now, of course there are countless people that obviously can benefit from this message, nevertheless, I was overjoyed with thanks for how personal it felt when I read the phrase, "lessons in hope." It was nice to read it and come to grips with the fact that so many people struggle with maintaining hope in one way or another. That is logically obvious, but the real deal is that when you feel that way, you feel alone. One major area of concern for me is the feeling that I am not progressing, and I feel that others around me moving onto careers, marriage, missions, and so on are. I was impressed with a new way to evaluate myself when I read in the article, "Progress is any movement toward peaceful acceptance of whatever the future may hold." I have never heard such a comforting and introspective definition. While suddenly developing a bold and excited view of what is to come (which I thought is what I would need) really seems a bit unrealistic to me at this time, I feel that developing peace inside myself is definitely something I can achieve.

8 x 8

It's been a while since I've posted anything. I guess I'm just in that mode of thinking where I want to, sort of say, put down the camera and just watch the sunset. Sometimes I think it's weird when people have to bring their cameras everywhere, to remember whatever cool thing they are about to do. Especially when they have to recreate the event to get the picture they want. You know what I mean. That face behind the camera says, "Oh, I didn't catch that. Do it again, will ya?" Do it again!? That's a false memory, my friend. Actually, sometimes the moments of recapture are pretty fun and worth capturing themselves...as long as you remember which is which.

My point is, sometimes writing about things I've done feels like I'm recapturing a moment. And that sorta thing is secondhand and lousy. Ah, I know, it's like that Emerson quote I posted, like "going out of the house to see the moon." The real impact and happiness just hits you, unprepared, without camera in hand, without pen in hand. That's not to say it can't happen that way, but usually not.

This is not to suggest that writing about such moments are not worth anything. It's to say that what we write, and the pictures we take, the tangible stuff, can actually replace the memory, instead of reinforcing it. Better than nothing, I guess. Speaking of memories, I just read a tag on Betsy Bradshaw's blog that I responded to...so, I guess I'm supposed to pass it on. I'd like anyone reading to write a little memory about me. Whatever you like. I realize that not too many people read this, or make comments if they do, so, I don't expect a lot of replies.

And what with my disinclination to write about my day-to-day, I'm going to do another tag that I saw on Jennie Payne's blog. Ironically, I'm usually much more in the mood to write about the goings on of the day than to do this sort of thing. Go figure.

8 Things I Am Passionate About
1. Friendship - This is number one because it involves all of our most important relationships with others from God to Family to Spouse, as well as to those we generally consider friends.
2-4. From the Declaration of Independence: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.
5. Prayer
6. Education
7. Music
8. Literature

8 Books I Have Read and Enjoy
1. Works of Ralph Waldo Emerson
2. The Book of Mormon
3. The Pearl of Great Price
4. The Odyssey
5. Lectures on Faith
6. The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde
7. Macbeth
8. The Lord of the Rings

8 Words and Phrases I Often Use
1. Yo! (as a greeting)
2. Yoink! (when I snatch something up)
3. I said you suck! (as I response when someone asks me to repeat something)
4. Mmmeehh! (sad The Cheat-like sound)
5. Bah! (frustrated expression)
6. Swish! (something went just right, like when a basketball swishes into the net)
7. Sweet! (when food is sweet, jk)
8. Kaa! (if you haven't heard this one, you should ask)

8 Things I Want to Do Before I Die
1. Graduate (shouldn't be too hard if I avoid death sports this year)
2. Marry
3. Have a son
4. Publish something
5. Live out of state
6. Be and find continuous inspiration
7. Help someone find the gospel
8. Go on a sailing voyage (really)

8 Things I Learned This Past Year
1. Progress is not exponential.
2. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
3. To be good is not enough, you must be good in the right way.
4. Priorities are as important as dreams...they are your dreams.
5. Every relationship should include Christ.
6. Working as a whole toward an end has significantly more power than individual efforts.
7. Life gets pretty crappy when you put off paying tithing.
8. Don't half-express yourself.

8 Places I Want to See (before I die?)
1. Greece
2. Egypt
3. Venice
4. Hawaii
5. New Zealand
6. England
7. New England
8. China

8 Things I Miss
1. Family
2. Friends that have moved away
3. Working with people
4. When USU and Logan were a new adventure
5. Biology and Classics classes
6. An airconditioner
7. My totally awesome ringtones
8. McDonald's frysauce

8 Things I Currently Want/Need
1. $!!
2. A place to stay this fall
3. School loan
4. Newness
5. Positive dating attitude (I admit)
6. Discipline
7. mp3 player
8. Compliments (love those ;) )

"A being darkly wise and rudely great"

It looks as though I might have more back pain to come, as now I will be sitting at a computer for almost a good 40 hr a week. More money, though. Anyway, with all this time to spend with a computer in front of me, I've decided to do some online writing classes. The structure of a syllabus and all will hopefully force me to write regularly. I'm going to do a creative writing class
and a reading and writing short stories one. I actually think that getting into short stories would be a good idea, since the idea of doing a whole novel seems like too much. And if I've feigned to learn anything valuable from What About Bob?, it's baby steps.

Interestingly, while I was browsing some of this open courseware, I stumbled upon something that reminded me of one of my main characters, Hadrian, in the book I want to continue writing. Though, I never seem to get around to that. Pretty pathetic, actually. Anyway, these words are by Alexander Pope. I'm not sure if it is meant to be a poem, but it is a poetic expression of the nature of man, only a part of his larger Essay on Man.

Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,

The proper study of mankind is Man.

Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,

A being darkly wise and rudely great:

With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,

With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,

He hangs between, in doubt to act or rest;

In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast;

In doubt his mind or body to prefer;

Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err;

Alike in ignorance, his reason such,

Whether he thinks too little or too much;

Chaos of thought and passion, all confused;

Still by himself abused or disabused;

Created half to rise, and half to fall:

Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;

Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurl'd;

The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!

Wow, it really reminds me of how I picture Hadrian. Actually, I haven't included him in that much of what I have written yet, but he has a major role. If you'd like to learn a little about him, he shows up in chapter 1, 2, 8(?), and 10.

I've always want to create complex characters, and so that is my goal with writing The Secret of Aïdoneus. I hope to use a little of what I have learned from the bit of philosophy I have read over the last couple of years. Actually, the first thing I can remember reading that got me thinking philisophically was Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH when I was 12. I remember being really interested in the notion that the rats wanted to move to a destitute place they called Thorn Valley, and away from the comfort of the rose bush. They knew it was wrong to steal from the farmer, and so they decided to sacrifice their life with abudant food and electricity for something much more meager. I thought about it a lot, as well as the idea that the more we learn and are priveledged to discover, the more we are expected to develop a higher sense of morality. Not only that, but that the more we learn, the more we should desire to do so.

I also considered the other side, the opponent Jenner. What sort of a personality would a person develop if he had a lot of knowledge, but didn't desire to be more moral? What kind of fate would he have? Or perhaps, and I doubt I considered this then, what if he really thought that he was, in fact, becoming better, when he actually was becoming more corrupt? That is the real characteristic about the villain that I have come to be fascinated by as I have gotten older. I think it's interesting that these little questions I had as a kid are obviously still significant in my mind. These are the questions I want to wrestle around with, in a more mature manner, with my character Hadrian.

Sticking it to the Man

I told my roommate that I decided to only eat meat once a week, just to see what her reaction would be. Haha, she acted like I was an extremist that wanted to 'save the cows'. Just to get this straight: I don't think it's wrong to kill animals so that we can eat them. That's a different position entirely. I do think it's wrong to force them to live a painful and pitiful life because we need to crowd and mistreat them in order to keep up with production to feed our excessively meaty diets. So, do I expect to make a difference? At least, that was my roommate's disdainful question. Not really. In a way, I'm just sticking it to the man.

And no, I won't be cringing at people eating meat, because I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I will, however, cringe at people who mock the suffering of animals for their own benefit. It's a little sad when anything, good or bad, desensitizes your feelings toward other living things. I almost believe that some people's attitude about this is more detrimental than any physical suffering. No, I definitely believe that.

A Fond Farewell to Bacon?

I guess I've ignored the novelty of my new blog already. Honestly, I'm more comfortable with the extreme of either fun/superficial musings or intense/private ponderances. My goal of the mixture is likely to be a failure. Ah, well.

Actually, I think it would be significant to mention that I've decided to make a lifestyle/diet change. Lately, I've been thinking about animal cruelty. I remember that last semester someone was passing out pamphlets about it on campus, and I actually read through it. The discussion was primarily on the treatment of animals in the food production industry (i.e. pigs and hens in over-crowded pens). Usually, I am not swayed by these sort of pamphlets, as often times the language is biased and accusatory, which negates the credibility of a message that is already smothered with all sorts of fallacies (e.g. appeal to emotion and the "straw man" principle).

However, this particular pamphlet was persuasive by appeal to emotion, yet remained respectable and objective. The best part was a reasonable and effective solution. Eat less meat. Ah, "less" they say. No, they don't want everyone to suddenly become vegetarians or vegans. That's pretty crazy. But if everyone seriously cut down, the industry wouldn't be forced to meet such high public demand, and thus it would be much easier for more humane animal treatment to be implemented.

I remember that I considered following that advice. Apparently, the pamphlet wasn't enough, though. So what has happened lately that makes me seriously want to become supportive of humane animal treatment? Nothing significant. I just like to read Brian May's blog, and he is a huge animal rights activist. His target is more an attack on the animal suffering that results from scientific experimentation, but he also mentioned the benefit of eating less meat in the effort to reduce it.

Now, if we honestly needed to eat meat everyday, and needed to experiment on animals because there was no other way, it would be another matter. But we don't! We like to eat meat often, and it is convenient to experiment on animals. In my opinion, conveniency is one of the most threatening snares in beneficial guise. That's what gets to me, that we sacrifice ethicality for convenience and profit. I like to remember a comment that the character Malcolm makes in Jurassic Park. "Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could; they didn't stop to think if they should." Honestly, the spotlight of that disgust just happened to land on this particular issue for me recently. Are there more important issues of social morality which I could recognize and advocate? Probably...and I'll be happy to hear about it, as long as there are no blatantly obvious fallacies involved.

So, I'm going to start eating less meat, and choosing eggs from cage-free chickens, etc. I'm sure there are a lot of products that I need to become more familiar with as well. I also want to keep up with current events surrounding animal experimentation, and support the alternative efforts in any way I can. We certainly have the way, and though the will may lag behind, it is gaining momentum. Here are a few of the links that I found in Brian's blog:

Environment News Service
eNews 2.0
Animal Tests

You know, I really need to subscribe to some sorta science magazine. What? Who still reads those, you ask? Haha...I like tangible things! And I don't have my own computer to browse articles at my convenience. Oh...am I a hypocrite now? Well, not as long as reading magazines is unethical. Oh...the trees that went into making all those issues! There's no escape!

I just noticed how incongruent my last post is with this one. Maybe if the fish were confined to tiny kiddie pools in warehouses and weren't so neurologically primitive I would spare mentioning the tolerability of gutting them. But maybe I am a hypocrite. C'est la vie.