In All Honesty, I'm a Moron, So Give Me Your Scholarship

This Wednesday I’ve agreed to participate in a student panel discussing what teacher has influenced me the most and why, things that have enabled me to learn the most deeply, and things that have hindered my learning in school. I also just received an email asking me to write a short biography of myself, including the answers to a few key questions, which will serve as my introduction to the audience.

One of these questions asked me to rank myself as a student (academically) as above average, average, or below average. I laughed inside myself, wondering if I should put “below average.” Every panel needs a below average student, and I can’t deny that I essentially do have a “C’s get degrees” mentality. And I am a slacker. But I’d never consistently describe myself this way, so, I answered “average”…and then had an interesting memory come to mind.

I remembered this scholarship essay I wrote in high school, that I titled “The Average among the Elite.” I think I had it in my head back then that honesty was one of the most impressive qualities a student could have, perhaps even more so than…academic success. Yeah, so, it is with great shame and much amusement that I present to you my essay for the ACCESS Scholarship for Women:

“Recently in my biology class, I had the opportunity to crossbreed fruit flies. Seeing as I was the only one to volunteer, I went to work by myself to anesthetize the flies before they reached sexual maturity and sort them according to sex and type. However, to my dismay, I used a tad too much “Fly Nap,” and accidently killed the flies instead. Oh darn, failure isn’t all that fun. Of course, I did learn from my little mishap and made sure not to make the same mistake again in the second attempt. Although, the next attempt was not successful either because many of the flies drowned in the banana mush I prepared as a food source, which I guess was a bit on the watery side. I’m certain that if a third attempt were in fact called for, little if nothing would go wrong.

You see, I have not always been the most qualified for a given task. Maybe someone else could have performed the fruit fly experiment with success the first time. But I was the only one that volunteered, and thus the only one who learned anything at all, in this regard. In pure honestly, my GPA and ACT score hardly qualifies me for this scholarship. Perhaps it is my willingness to learn from ignorance and to enroll in advanced courses despite my average profile that qualifies me to even seek such an opportunity of being awarded this scholarship. I am willing to try, to fail, and to learn next time how to do better. That is the best way to learn.

My interest in science classes has often puzzled people. As a sophomore my favorite class was chemistry, which I recall many people, including my parents, claimed they never really cared for and even hated. But I always found it easy to look beyond the equations and theories because of my interests in the applications chemistry had in how things functioned and how they influenced the world. I went into AP Chemistry as a junior with full knowledge that I wasn’t exactly above average, but I didn’t want to be deprived of higher learning just because I didn’t stand out as a “science whiz.” Along with some of the other students in my AP Chemistry class, I enrolled in a lab course at the University of Utah. Yes, I found the class a little difficult, but I managed to get a B in the end, which I thought was pretty good considering that Professor Ragsdale grades on the bell curve and that I was amongst such bright kids.

I was the only girl in my AP Chemistry class who didn’t drop out, and the first girl ever from Wasatch to complete the lab course at the U of U. Perhaps that is one reason why this scholarship interested me. I love science and have tried my best to pursue it despite the intimidation of being the only girl at times, and having a lower GPA and ACT score than other AP students. I even look back now and can’t believe that I sacrificed my Friday nights to stay up and do my equations rather than go out with friends and see a movie. Although, in the end I came out with the same grade as the rest of my classmates from Wasatch, I truly think that perhaps my efforts to achieve an average among the elite students has given me my own distinctive and unassuming way of standing out.

Throughout my years at Wasatch I have taken an interest in the basic and essential sciences such as biology and chemistry, and have come to especially enjoy physiology where both of them come into play. I hope to learn more about many areas of science and wish to be able to be given the opportunity to acquire this knowledge and grow from the challenges of doing so.”

Wow. I’m pretty sure that this essay got crumbled up and thrown in the trash after someone read, “In pure honestly, my GPA and ACT score hardly qualifies me for this scholarship.” Then again, maybe this person had a sense of humor, and read the whole thing before disposing of it. With that in mind, I wonder what happened when the panel judging the Sterling Scholar applications opened my friend Kendall's portfolio full of I.O.U.'s...

At least I can say that I now HAVE successfully completed an experiment with fruit flies (in my genetics lab a little over a year ago). In fact, I think that my partner and I were the most successful students in the class with that experiment. And I got an A in the course. So, I ended up all right. Perhaps that would not have been the case without those crazy days of drowning flies in banana mush and writing lousy scholarship essays about the value of determination. I dunno. But I think I’ll avoid discussing my fruit fly breeding experiences with the panel on Wednesday, at least.

Can You Say, "Revive Nuclear Power"?

Last week the topic of my Science in Society class discussion was, "Is it time to revive nuclear power?" Before I expound on my position, I just want to say that I really love the concept behind this book series from which our professor selected our text book. It's called Taking Sides. It presents opposing viewpoints in all sorts of topics from history, politics, science, and economics. There's 50 of them! However, I'm not sure how optimistic I am about the quality of the content chosen for the compilations. For instance, the YES side for the nuclear power debate is basically just a letter from the head of a nuclear plant facility to the chairman of the Department of Energy for more money and extended liscensure. So...perhaps that's why I didn't find it too compelling. We joked in class that we wanted to compile our own book for the class, and call it Taking Better Sides.

I think that the only arguments that I felt really warranted a renewed look to nuclear power would be the reduction of pollution and greenhouse gas emission to the atmosphere, and a greater variety of fuel sources so that our dependence on natural gas doesn't leave us vulnerable to price spikes (which we are quite familar with). Beyond that...? Do we have anyone that is very informed on nuclear power reading? Care to argue the point? If not, I'll simply direct readers to these enlightening comic books on the subject. ---->

On the NO side, I find myself very concerned about the inevitability of some human error, the transfer and ultimate storage of nuclear waste, and the terrorist threats from reprocessing facilities. While some of the students in my class felt that the example presented about the reactor that exploded in Ukraine decades ago was an isolated incident, and that our safety regulations and staff training are much better now, and in this country, I'm still concerned very concerned about safety issues. The possibilities of catastophes bear enough weight that their slim probabilities don't phase me as a sufficient argument.

The opponent to nuclear power also brought up the fact that dealing with nuclear waste is, at present, an unsuccessful effort. If we can't deal with it now, why add to the problem? A U.S. storage site at Yucca Mountain, for example, is a completely unsuitable place for nuclear waste. First of all, it is in the third highest region in the country for seismic activity. The rock is also extremely porous, so much so that radioactive material from past bomb testing is already reaching the aquifers below. Now, scientists aren't stupid. This was a political decision. I'm convinced that if nuclear power suddenly gains speed, that politcal interests could pose additions threats. Again, this is just another kind of human error.

Also, some of the reprocessing plants for nuclear waste, aimed at recycling it basically, have been postulated to attract terrorists. The waste has plenty of plutonium that can be used for making nuclear weapons. In the 70s, India created its first nuclear weapon this way. This is pretty disturbing. In fact, because the Bush administration was worried about this kind of threat, they invested in a technology that would make this plutonium even more radioactive, to deterr terrorists from attempting to handle it. That disturbs me too. There are just too many dangers here that I don't think we should choose to risk. So, can you say, "Revive nuclear power"? Former President Bush can't ;)

Anyway, while I walked away from these readings very much convinced that nuclear power is not the best answer to the energy crisis...I'm not sure what is. I felt that the con position here would have been even stronger if better alternatives were explored, and not just mentioned. Renewable resources and simply be more prudent in our use of energy were suggested. While I don't have that much confidence in the amount of energy we are currently getting from renewables, I think it is worth a lot of effort and funding to explore. I would love to see solar energy technologies take off.

In other news, I found out that Rocky is doing well. He didn't have to get surgery after all! I'm pretty happy about that. I also wrote a letter to my legislators yesterday in opposition to the 19% budget cuts proposed for higher education in Utah. There is a rally at the capital tomorrow that I wanted to go to, but I've got student teaching applications due this weekend, and I need to get signatures and such for them. I watched four documentaries this week: Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed, Super Size Me, Super High Me, and A Crude Awakening: The Oil Crash. Those were interesting. I'll have more to say about at least that first one later on.

The Price of Damned Lies

So, I was back in Business Ethics today. Guilt trip. First of all, Mr. Bearded Democratic Philosopher with a First Name That Sounds Like a Last Name (Harrison), not to be confused with "Mr. Harrison," is pretty nice (he said goodbye to me today), and good-looking as well I might add (he smiled too). Second of all, the slides that I stole, as it turns out, aren't accessible to even his students. Third, Immanuel Kant, who I supposedly like so much, would be of the opinion that stealing bread even if you are starving is still (and not any less) wrong. Setting aside my own petty theft for one moment, let's focus on the real issue. I can't like Kant AND Les Miserables?! Yes, that fact alone is truly the full extent of my guilt.

Now, on to the damned lies. You see, I'm reading this book called More Damned Lies and Statistics for my stats class. And it just so happens that my assignment due Friday ties into my little gripe against business, and my little horrah-horray for philosophy. I chose this situation that I heard about just a couple days ago as an example of what the author refers to as "missing numbers" in statistical estimations. And it involves this car:

The Ford Pinto. Now forgive me if you've heard about it before. Anyway, the story here is that back in the 70s the Ford company wanted to compete with other car manufacturers from Japan and the like, and so they made a goal that the Pinto must not be "an ounce over 2,000 lb., and not a penny over $2,000." They reached this goal, but unfortunately there was a major safety flaw in the design. The fuel tank was located behind the rear axel, which upon just over a 30 mph hit to the back of the car would cause some serious gas leakage, prone to burst the car into flames at the first spark. With rear blows of even greater forces, the doors would crush shut, and it would almost certainly lead to burn fatalities for crash victims.

Two things could have corrected the problem. One, the tank could have been put above the rear axel. Although they knew this was much safer, the reason they didn't do it was because it would drastically decrease trunk space. Apparently, trunk space was an important marketable feature. The second thing that could have been done (even after production) would have been to add a fire-prevention device in the gas tank that would cost an extra $11/vehicle. What to do?

Well, using the cost-benefit analysis they determined that the benefit of installing the device amounted to 49.5 million dollars. The cost of installing the device for each car would be 137 million dollars. So, from there the choice was obvious. But then again, how did they calculate the benefit. Did they seriously have the audacity to put a price on a human life? Well, so it would seem. And that price per individual was in the ball park of only $200,000. That's not to say that's really what they thought a life was worth, per say. The amount was calculated in reference to how much money they expected to be sued for, as well as the amount of money that the deceased victims would have earned throughout the rest of their lifetime.

At first our repulsion may be over the fact that the estimate per individual is only $200,000. But if you consider that only real dollars and cents values were considered here, we might let that go. But then an even grimmer repulsion settles in with the fact that the value of a human life didn't come into the picture AT ALL. So much for business ethics and cost-benefit analyses.

On the flip side, the parting thought of Business Ethics today was how fanatical Kant really was in defending his ethics. So much that perhaps even lying to spare a person's life is unacceptable. I find that ridiculous. Just a heavy price for another sort of damned lie.

Rank the Reprobates

So, I was thinking about this activity that I did in one of my classes last semester where we read a story and ranked the characters from 1-5 as to who we personally thought had the worst moral character. It was so interesting to see the differences in everyone's answers. You can really learn a lot about people's values. Good thing we weren't graded by response, because my ranking was practically the opposite of the instructor's. I'd like to hear what anyone reading thinks. Here's the story:

Once upon a time there lived a girl named Abigail who was in love with a boy named Gregory. Gregory had an unfortunate accident and broke his glasses. Abigail, being a true friend, volunteered to take them to be repaired. But the repair shop was across the river, and during a sudden flood the bridge was washed away. Poor Gregory could see nothing without his glasses, so Abigail was desperate to get across the river to the repair shop. While she was standing forlornly on the bank of the river, clutching the broken glasses in her hands, a boy named Sinbad glided by in a rowboat.

She asked Sinbad if he would take her across. He agreed to do it on condition that while she was having the glasses repaired, she would go to a nearby store and steal a transistor radio that he had been wanting. Abigail refused to do such a thing and went to see a friend named Ivan who had a boat.

When Abigail told Ivan her problem, he said he was too busy to help her out and didn't want to be involved. Abigail, worried about Gregory, and feeling that now she had no other choice, returned to Sinbad and told him she would have to agree to his plan.

When Abigail returned the repaired glasses to Gregory, she told him what she had had to do. Gregory was appalled at what she had done and told her he never wanted to see her again.

Abigail, upset, turned to Slug with her tale of woe. Slug was so sorry for Abigail that he promised her he would get even with Gregory. They went to the school playground where he was playing ball and Abigail watched while Slug beat Gregory up and broke his glasses again.

This is how I responded:

1. Gregory- Surprised? I think telling a friend that you never want to see them again (and meaning it) is horrible. Ironically, without his glasses, he got his wish.
2. Abigail- She'll do anything for love and for revenge. Scary.
3. Sinbad- He preys on the weak and desperate to get what he wants.
4. Ivan- Not a great friend if he doesn't want to be involved with her problem.
5. Slug- He might be further up on the list if he hadn't beaten up the first guy on the list.

Though, it doesn't even really say that Gregory really considers Abigail a friend, or if Abigail always wants a ride on Ivan's boat, or how badly Slug gave Gregory a beating, or if Sinbad needs a transistor radio to help some other unfortunate soul. And I can't do this activity at all keeping in mind that these are children. So, I ignored that point. Anyway, my point is, there are a lot of factors that influence how we judge people (all different), and more importantly a lot of things we don't know altogether.

"So light, yet endless"

It's been raining the last few days, and it's absolutely beautiful outside. Not all rainy days are beautiful. I think that only a light summer rain really appeals to me, visually. Specifically, the contrast of the gray sky and the rich vibrant green of the grass and trees can only be seen during a summer rain, in Logan. In other seasons, the rain seems to drown out all color. And in a summer rain, you can go out without a jacket, and still be comfortable. In fact, I believe that the second you put a hood over your head...the rain begins to become a nuisance. Or, perhaps it is the other way around.

The Quad was particularly breathtaking. Lately, I've been pretty cynical about all businesses, and I often can't help looking for something wrong with this University (the business where all my money is going). But today, I only was pleased that USU has such a wonderful location that overlooks the valley and the temple on one end, and is so close to the mountains on the other. I love to see the moisture cloud around the mountains after it rains.



It all reminds me of the special feeling I got on this campus when I toured it back in high school. It felt like the right place to be.

It just felt so amazing today walking around outside. I don't know what was different, so I just picked the rain. That's not it, though. I'm just really happy without a reason for it. It reminds me of the title of C.S. Lewis's autobiography, "Surprised by Joy." That title has always fascinated me ever since I heard it.

While walking, I kept thinking of my favorite part of the Rush song, The Camera Eye, that says:

They seem oblivious

To a soft spring rain,

Like an English rain.

So light, yet endless

From a leaden sky.

(This song is now in my playlist)

As the lyrics were repeating in my head, I kept having the thought that today I was not oblivious...to a happiness that is "so light, yet endless."

Fruitless Pranks...of the Fruit Fly Sort

So, I just realized today that I'm pretty glad that I didn't put anesthetized fruit flies under Andy Anderson's door when I had the chance. I saw him today, and he said, "Good to see you again." It's very possible that he's forgotten my name, but at least I am still recognized.

Anyway, it all goes back to fall semester when my genetics lab partner Aaron and I had a little conversation about "pompous professors." And somehow we started talking about Andy Anderson. Now, I've worked for him for a couple of semesters, and haven't had many problems with him. But, when it came down to the nitty gritty topic at hand, I could not deny the pomp factor. And the last few times I had seen him he didn't even seem to remember me, so, I had a motive (the same as Homer Simpson's to shoot Mr. Burns, actually).

At the time, we were in the middle of anesthetizing our fruit flies and sorting them under the microscope when Aaron brought up the fact that Andy's office was just across the hall. I knew exactly what he was implying, and burst out laughing. You see, I always made an effort to spare the lives of the sleeping flies...and was always dumping them this place and that (outside of course), rather than killing them.

In my laughter, I couldn't stop imagining how hilarious it would be if the next time he walked into his office it was swarming with fruit flies. And all we would have to do to achieve this hilarity is simply slip them under the door. Haha! It was an entertaining thought, but we held out.

Well, now that I know he at least remembers my face, I'm glad we didn't do that prank. I might be seeing him more often too, as the Bio Department might start doing classes through Distance Education (we did an IP conference for them today). I might actually need a recommendation from him someday too, so, I won't feel guilty asking for it now.

A View to a Kill

Well, summer is officially here, and I'm actually pretty excited about it. I've moved back to the Beach House, and am near some of my friends again. It's nice to be back.

As far as the job goes, I've actually decided to stick with the same one for the summer, for a few reasons:

1. I hate looking for a job.
2. I hate waiting around to get hired for a job.
3. I hate training for a job.
4. I like having my weekends off, always.

Good enough for me. I do like changes, but not at the expense of too much stress when you are absolutely poor. I am...absolutely poor. Unfortunately, for the first half of the summer I don't have very many hours at all (seriously, only about 25/week). That's what happens when small summer classes end up getting canceled. Bah! Maybe I'll just enjoy it, as I actually have Friday afternoon-Monday completely off. Wow, now that's a weekend!

In other news, the last couple of days I've been at Ali's house watching over her kitty Crash, and her garden, plants, etc. I was really looking forward to a whole week of just bumming around her house while she's in Oregon, but I actually had to come back early due to work starting earlier than expected. While there, I discovered a good reason why she should have someone staying in the house, rather than just having someone come by and check up on things.

So, I awoke Sunday morning to the sound of Crash's jingling bell from his collar as he jumped through the window (he comes in and out as he pleases). I looked up from my sleep to greet him, and he sets down this dead mouse on the floor and starts meowing in a bright and chipper fashion, as though to brag. I was a little horrified by the greeting, but a little amused at the same time by the nature of cats to impress you with their kills.

The next morning, I woke up to the same jingling and looked up to see a dead bird this time. Feathers all over and everything. Definitely gross. But then I thought, maybe this cat likes me if he's trying to impress me with two kills in two days. There is a bright side to everything. And it's a good thing I was there to get those dead animals out of the house.

Here's the culprit:

Anyway, now that I'm back I've got to unload all my stuff into my new room, which is actually really nice because it is usually a shared room, so it is fairly large with it's own spacious bathroom and a walk-in closet. I've always wanted a walk-in closet! Plus, the walls are green, which is my favorite color.

I've thought about planing some weekly or semi-weekly events for the summer, much like the Simpsons Night from a few years ago. Heidi and I also want to organize our own little book club. We'll see how that goes.

Also, I just checked my grades, and am pleasantly surprised to find no C's this semester, and two A's. I got a B- in Physics II just like I hoped for (yeah, I did hope for a B-). My health/motivation/class attendance/whatnot have all pretty much sucked this semester, so, it's a good thing most of my classes were really easy or else who knows what the results may have been. I do have to retake Physics I, since I screwed that class over last semester. I found that the one I was in this semester was actually pretty interesting as we talked about sound waves, electricity/electromagnetism, and optics whereas last semester it was all about calculating applied forces...boring, boring stuff. I actually might read up on optics in my spare time, I've got lots of it for a while :)

Air Pollution

Irritated by Cache Valley's air pollution problem, my classmates and I made a short instructional video about it. This is the first iMovie I have made. I've got to make one for my final in Multiculturalism soon, so, it was good practice. I've actually always wanted to buy a video camera and make a mockumentary, or even a real documentary. That seems like a fun hobby.

Fish Guts are Looking Tolerable

With the combined effects of my cough and the horrible smog, I feel like I'm about to hack up a lung each time I go outside. It sure makes it miserable to go anywhere. Hopefully there will be some rain to clear some of the nasty ammonium nitrate in the air. Oh, but wait, I'm looking outside now, and I see that it is snowing. Yay...I might be able to breathe soon.

It looks as though I'm supposed to be enrolled in a class that is only offered once a year, and I'm not. So, it probably means I will be in school yet another semester longer than expected. I'm a little irritated about that, but, financially it is probably the best way to go. This way I don't have to take any summer classes, and can get two jobs or something. Hey, maybe I can go gut fish in Alaska. I really am starting to get wanderlust...even to the point that a nice Alaskan summer scene makes fish guts look tolerable.