YUCCCCKKKK!!!!

LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN!!!!!

THE HORROR...THE HORROR...

My Letter Box

I have a letter box that contains practically all of the written correspondence I’ve had since high school. I keep as many birthday cards and thank you notes as I can remember to stash away. I keep every wedding announcement – even if I didn’t know the couple so well.

Yet of course there are the important things, like the original draft of a letter I sent once, that came as close to saying “I love you” as I could at the time. And the reply, still wrapped in the original red ribbon. I think his girlfriend must have picked it out. Read the letter. Tied the bow. I used to read it all the time. I tried to read it out loud once, to a friend, but couldn’t. My voice…cracks. That’s probably why when I felt that way for someone new, I couldn’t say it either. I wrote it in a letter. This time there was no mistake. It said, “I love you,” clear and true. Then again, do written words really say anything? I wish so, or that letter box is just a box.

I consider myself courageous, sometimes, for the things I’ve allowed myself to share through a box, an inbox. My friend once told me that the internet was like a refrigerator door, a place to look at memos and information at a glance. Except, my letters were an extension of that. My feelings, in words, and occasionally unrequited words, may as well have been that cold. I’m a great friend…like an industrial refrigerator, which is, essentially, a giant box.

I can’t write him the way I used to. And now that courage has nowhere to show itself. Oh, I could share it with those I don’t trust as much. But I don’t think they would understand. That’s where the courage has run. But I don’t want it hidden. I can’t stand it that way. Incredible moments, feelings, and ideas are not supposed to stay in my head, or my journal, or my inbox. I can’t hoard them away, and mix the powerful with the mundane like I do the notes inside my letter box. That deep red ribbon is of much more value than that pristine and glossy white one from that random wedding announcement.

More than the fear that people may misunderstand, I know, is the fear that they will not care to. The fear that to them I am really nothing more than a refrigerator door, with a memo that reminds them to get around to reading that book, eventually. Or to pick up batteries at the store. But they forget the errand nonetheless. Useless fears. I must encourage my courage to come out to play. Or else these words remain inside...my mind (a box), my heart (a box).

Pig-headed Cures for Pig-hideousness

I think that I am prematurely turning into one of those bitter old cranks that spouts off the saying, "they ain't as good as they used to be" about basically everything. In the case of movies, though, I generally do mean it. Maybe there are still a good number of interesting, novel, and unpredictable plotlines and characters emerging in at least the independent genre, but how often do we ever get to see that stuff? Surely not on a monthly movie night basis. That's how often I'd like to go out to the movies, if I felt it were worth it.

To tell you the truth, I'm not concerned about wasting time or money on movies that aren't very good. Sometimes the bad movies are so entertaining that they happen to be a welcomed use of my time and money. But, that's not what I mean by "worth it" regardless. The issue is, I don't want my standard of what makes a great movie to be compromised.

While I'm on the subject, is it a bad thing if someone pays for your movie ticket (date or otherwise) and you start laughing at how absurdly awful the movie was afterwards? Particularly when you know the other person doesn't agree? Cause, I do that. Sometimes. I'm specifically remembering the incident after the latest Hulk movie. I imagine it must have been better than the previous one...but I honestly can't picture how.

I know what you are thinking, "Why should we listen to someone that loves movies like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?"

And I'd say, "Come on now, you know that is truly Keanu Reeves' best work."

There are a few different things I could decide to go off on regarding what I don't like about a lot of the movies I've seen lately. But today I am irritated by the movies that promote inner beauty and self-acceptance, and then create a physical manifestation of beauty and social acceptance as the reward for having done so. That is clearly ironic, and clearly unintentionally so. And the combination of "clearly ironic" and "clearly unintentional" spells out, "WTF were you thinking?" Then again, that's the current Hollywood scene for you, in regards to romantic comedies at least.


What got me thinking about the inner-beauty moral was a movie I saw recently called "Penelope." It's about a pig-nosed girl that is cursed with this deformity until she gets a blue-blood (old money, aristocratic type) guy to marry her. Interesting thing is (and by that I mean it is entirely uninteresting), the girl is very attractive besides having a snout. So, right away we can see where this is going. The curse will be broken and she'll be beautiful once the prosthetic is gone.

And cliche of cliches, what actually breaks the curse is her own self-acceptance of who she is and what she looks like. That's not a bad cliche, except since this self-acceptance magically caused the problem to completely go away, doesn't that completely defeat the purpose? That's right, your strength of character and confidence in yourself is only good for acting as a mystical potion that dispels your nasty pig-hideousness. After that, you can trade it in for some equally bogus cure for vanity.

Now, we are all familiar with the movies about the pretty girls with low self-esteem who just get a make-over and suddenly they are Miss Awesome. That seems to defeat the purpose of the message that is trying to be communicated, that we shouldn't dismiss the geeky kid, or even the smelly one, because deep inside they are wonderful people. For that "inner-beauty" stuff to ring true, wouldn't the smelly kid have to stay smelly? And we just love him despite the fact?

That's not the crime of the modern film makers alone by any means. How bout that tale of the ugly duckling? A swan?! Oh, please. Why can't the "special" person really be ugly? And stay that way? Is it because wonderful people don't deserve to be ugly? That too tragic for your comedy? Or is it because we can't swallow the self-acceptance tripe we are dishing out? Either way, this trend is the hallmark of a bad movie. It doesn't quite rank up there with the mistake of using monkeys for comic relief in my book, though.

I Just Called Myself a "Rotten Idiot"?...*sigh*

I just got off the phone with my mom, who seems to always have two recommendations when I'm feeling down...at least when I feel the need to let her in on the fact: 1) Get a priesthood blessing (which I think is a good idea), and 2) Get some depression medication (which I resent the mere suggestion of). And for some reason she seems to associate those two solutions as well, because the last time I asked my dad for a priesthood blessing, she asked if I needed medication. I actually thought it was incredibly funny, and very unamusing at the same time, if you believe that possible. The way I see it, if you know what is making you feel rotten, you ought to know how to make yourself feel...unrotten.

I'm not knocking these kinds of medications. I just think that they are over-prescribed, and over-sought. Then again, I am a prideful sort of person that would rather feel badly and think it possible to feel better if I really wanted to, than to acknowledge that trying anything beyond will power is worth a go. Or perhaps I've just listened to the Stones' "19th Nervous Breakdown" too many times...

Either way, I think that I will always shun the advice, "Go with the flow," no matter how happy or unhappy I am. What does that mean, anyway? It's likely just a useless 60s slogan that my mom is passing off for genuine words to the wise (bless her heart). Why do they call advice "a word to the wise"? Shouldn't it be "a word from the wise," or "a word to the idiot"? Hey, you can give me "a word to the idiot" anytime! Please do, in fact. I'd get a kick out of it, and might even listen.

Sleep-talk

I don't generally get very personal with these blogs, but I'm pretty sure that's just because I don't want to embarrass myself. The truth is, I am a very emotional person, and when I don't write about the things that I think really matter, I believe I do myself and everyone else a disservice (if you consider it a 'service' that I share my thoughts with you). And of course you do.

So, last time I wrote about nuclear power. I don't care a bit about that, really. I care about the circumstances that kept me from writing my blog at all last semester. I care about what happened to the hope and insight that my best friend told me had left the words of my letters. I care about how to get them back. I care about trying to deal with the fact that I should no longer be in love with someone who is about to be engaged. I care that my life has more dramatic irony than I want responsibility to handle, and wonder why I am proud of it at the same time. I care about the sad truth that I have still not called an old friend whose mother died of cancer several months ago. I care that I see myself in others, and yet find myself unwilling to be empathetic in spite of it. I care that my parents don't know a whit of this. And I don't care that this entry lacks details, eloquence, and optimism. Well, no, I do care about that too.

Some of this just needs to be said, like my worries that subconsciously spill out when I talk in my sleep. I wonder how often that really happens, it's hard to know. I regret that these important things usually only creep out in my sleep-talk in the night, in my single room for no one to hear, including me, and that they stay there.

The Price of Damned Lies

So, I was back in Business Ethics today. Guilt trip. First of all, Mr. Bearded Democratic Philosopher with a First Name That Sounds Like a Last Name (Harrison), not to be confused with "Mr. Harrison," is pretty nice (he said goodbye to me today), and good-looking as well I might add (he smiled too). Second of all, the slides that I stole, as it turns out, aren't accessible to even his students. Third, Immanuel Kant, who I supposedly like so much, would be of the opinion that stealing bread even if you are starving is still (and not any less) wrong. Setting aside my own petty theft for one moment, let's focus on the real issue. I can't like Kant AND Les Miserables?! Yes, that fact alone is truly the full extent of my guilt.

Now, on to the damned lies. You see, I'm reading this book called More Damned Lies and Statistics for my stats class. And it just so happens that my assignment due Friday ties into my little gripe against business, and my little horrah-horray for philosophy. I chose this situation that I heard about just a couple days ago as an example of what the author refers to as "missing numbers" in statistical estimations. And it involves this car:

The Ford Pinto. Now forgive me if you've heard about it before. Anyway, the story here is that back in the 70s the Ford company wanted to compete with other car manufacturers from Japan and the like, and so they made a goal that the Pinto must not be "an ounce over 2,000 lb., and not a penny over $2,000." They reached this goal, but unfortunately there was a major safety flaw in the design. The fuel tank was located behind the rear axel, which upon just over a 30 mph hit to the back of the car would cause some serious gas leakage, prone to burst the car into flames at the first spark. With rear blows of even greater forces, the doors would crush shut, and it would almost certainly lead to burn fatalities for crash victims.

Two things could have corrected the problem. One, the tank could have been put above the rear axel. Although they knew this was much safer, the reason they didn't do it was because it would drastically decrease trunk space. Apparently, trunk space was an important marketable feature. The second thing that could have been done (even after production) would have been to add a fire-prevention device in the gas tank that would cost an extra $11/vehicle. What to do?

Well, using the cost-benefit analysis they determined that the benefit of installing the device amounted to 49.5 million dollars. The cost of installing the device for each car would be 137 million dollars. So, from there the choice was obvious. But then again, how did they calculate the benefit. Did they seriously have the audacity to put a price on a human life? Well, so it would seem. And that price per individual was in the ball park of only $200,000. That's not to say that's really what they thought a life was worth, per say. The amount was calculated in reference to how much money they expected to be sued for, as well as the amount of money that the deceased victims would have earned throughout the rest of their lifetime.

At first our repulsion may be over the fact that the estimate per individual is only $200,000. But if you consider that only real dollars and cents values were considered here, we might let that go. But then an even grimmer repulsion settles in with the fact that the value of a human life didn't come into the picture AT ALL. So much for business ethics and cost-benefit analyses.

On the flip side, the parting thought of Business Ethics today was how fanatical Kant really was in defending his ethics. So much that perhaps even lying to spare a person's life is unacceptable. I find that ridiculous. Just a heavy price for another sort of damned lie.

I SEE YOU

Imagine that you are walking the bustling city streets of Manhattan. Usually you tend to ignore the giant billboards, whose bright colors, through over-exposure, have amazingly become as bland as hospital walls to you. But today you pass a digital billboard, with crisp high definition advertisements that seem to change just as someone new passes by. Your interest piqued, you take special notice in walking past it, and see the advertisement suddenly change to one for your favorite restaurant. And the featured image happens to be your favorite dish.

No, that could never happen...really, you might think. In reality, it may actually happen in the not-too-far-distant future. In reality, this technology is underway. In reality, something like it exists today. According to an article in The New York Times, some billboards are being equipped with cameras that are gathering information, about YOU. Okay, perhaps not your thoughts, feelings, and inner-most shames and wishes, but in the very least it is capable of tracking age, gender, physique, and interest in the billboard (by gauging how long you look at it).

The article claims that the makers of these devices are not using actual video recordings, but software that can determine these characteristics of individuals by such sophisticated means as calculating the distance between facial features, among others. At present these measures are designed to distinguish gender, but in the future it may be used to distinguish race as well. If you ask me, I think that this is much creepier than regular ol' video recording. Can you imagine the price of this magic billboard? Though, of course, they are trying not to invade the public's privacy. "Phhfff," I scoff.

And just as the scenario suggests, the goal here is to target the ad specifically to the passers-by. Yeah, and you thought ads at the movies ticked me off. They do. However, this is going too far, to dangerously...dystopian proportions. At least, it would be if the profiling technology could become as accurate as a retinal scan. AND if the advertisements tempted us to our damnation. That is of course if you don't have too much trouble picturing CEOs with pitch forks, horns, and a tail. Hmmm, maybe this IS something to worry about.

Although I hope you've gotten a disturbing glimpse at what advertising has become, you ought to know that I like to be over-dramatic at times, and that I hate marketing. But if you are interested, I suggest you check out the article.

Am I the only one that can hear

the voice of Sauron piercing my brain?

"I SEE YOU!"

No End In Sight

Recently I've become a member of Netflix, and I love the service. In fact, I've actually been renting documentaries lately, as I'm acknowledging a bit of a shift in my interests the last few years. Yes, I like non-fiction, and yeah, documentaries rock. But it's not a very popular genre at the video store or on Redbox.

Anyway, this weekend I got No End In Sight in my mailbox. If you haven't heard about it, it is a documentary featuring clips and interviews with those involved and opposing many courses of action in the war with Iraq. I wish I had seen it sooner, and I wish it had come out sooner, honestly. I knew that things with the war weren't going well, and a lot of suffering on both the part of Iraqies and our soldiers seemed very needless. But, I admit, I didn't know very many details. I admit also that I generally stay away from the news. I had a professor a while ago who kept up very well with what was going on in the world. Each day when I'd come into work, I'd ask how he was. And often he'd say, "Terrible! ___ people died in ____ today." It made me depressed. I didn't want to feel terrible about something I couldn't control.

Anyway, I feel no worse after watching this documentary. Once again, I knew things were bad, I just didn't know details. After watching, I was irrate to discover that so many bad decisions were made by people who did not consult with others, especially those with much more experience in the matters of their decisions. Here's a few things that particularly upset me:

1. The decision to disban the Iraqi military was very arbitrary, unsupported, and the results devastating. Thousands of soldiers no longer had money for their families. You can't really afford to live without money.
2. The Pentagon alone was responsible for post war reconstruction, and none of them really knew what they were doing. They ignored most of the proposed ideas, in several well-prepared volumes, by those who had experience.
3. President Bush did not even read the Executive summary of the report written on the state of the people in Iraq. It was one page long.
4. 18 billion dollars was proposed to help the reconstruction efforts to provide the people of Iraq with food, water, electricity, etc. A year after the proposal only one billion was spent, and very little after that as well.
5. One of the men they interviewed on the street said that things were bad under Saddam, but that things were worse now. Now, that's a comment that ought to put things into perspective!
6. The government knew where a large storage facility of weapons were being kept, but they "didn't have enough men to guard it." In consequence, the opposition in Iraq who were angry with us were able to get a hold of these unguarded weapons. And unfortunately, many US soldiers were killed as a result.
7. Donald Rumsfeld...wow, what an @** ****.

However, the efforts of the mass majority to do what is right in the matter of this war is also very apparent. There are many more people to praise than criticize for certain. However, when the control lies in the hands of those who made mistakes, and these mistakes affected the lives and well being of so many people...one can really only focus on the negative here.

It's a documentary I feel everyone should see. Check out the trailer.

And I will make an effort to keep up with the news now, for crying out loud! Also along these lines, I also apologize to my dad for having made fun of him for only watching C-Span. I'm pretty sure I was watching crap like Saved By the Bell in those days. Wonderfully patient fathers...I love my dad :)

Finally, My Own Computer

Hooray, I finally can use the internet whenever I want! It really was frustrating to be restricted to only using it when I was on campus. That actually is a lot more often than you might think, I do have plenty of time to use computers at work, but I don't get to do the fun stuff. You know, listen to music, and watch videos, etc. (basically everything that makes noise). And depending on the keyboard I use, or the class, sometimes even typing is too noisy. At least, whenever I do much of that I have to use semi-cautious keystrokes. Boy, it's fun to bang on that that spacebar!

Anyway, I got this computer about a month ago from my sister. It was full of viruses to the point that the internet wouldn't even run, meaning that anti-virus programs weren't going to run either. So, we had to erase the hard drive. Supposing that someone in my family had some Windows XP software, I wasn't too concerned about the extreme of erasing the hard drive. No one had it. I don't really think they provide those anymore with new computers. I guess it's a good thing. I think that the license agreements on the cd roms include being able to put the software on two computers, though. I don't know. But, since I couldn't do it this way, I had to buy some. At least I did't have to worry that I bent any software agreement ethicalities.

Until then I had some Windows 98 on it (these cds were still floating around), which almost irritated me more than if it had no operating system at all. I'm a jerk, I complain about my parents' computer still having it pretty often. Anyway, when I first got the computer home, I tried to connect to the internet. However, all we have here is wireless, and Windows 98 didn't even have an option for that. Once I installed my XP, I again tried to connect to the internet through the little wizards, and it wasn't working. I spent too long trying to figure that out, actually. All the wizard seemed to tell me was that I was "missing hardware."

"Thanks, Mr. Wizard," I thought. "Your vagueness was helpful."

Then I remembered that one of the options for the wizard had a picture of a usb device. So the next day I decided to get me a USB wireless network adapter from Best Buy, and poof, I found my network and was on the internet.

Then there were still more problems to solve. When I turned on the computer for the first time I wondered what I could even do with it right away, and I thought that listening to a cd is simple enough, right? I stuck in a Rush cd, and...nothing. No sound. I went to the Control Panel, and there wasn't even an option to adjust the volume. Now, I just had a useless box that wouldn't even play a cd. However, once I got on the internet last night I was able to find a driver that downloaded in less than a minute, and there was sound! It was awesome.

The next really annoying problem was the appearance of webpages. They were huge, so large that there was this horizontal scroll button that I had to use to see the whole right side of the page. I wasted some more time screwing around in the Control Panel and Internet Explorer Options to try to fix it, but once again, all it took was a quick little download of a display driver and it was normal.

So, technically the computer wasn't entirely free. I had to buy some software and a usb adapter. But, I am very satisfied with myself that I was able to fix everything that was wrong with it myself. Now, if anyone needs help with old/used computers, or if you have to erase your hard drive, I might have useful suggestions.

1. If your Network Systems has no wireless connection option (despite windows having a wireless conncetion wizard), you're not going to be able to connect wirelessly without installing a PCI card internally, or getting an external usb adapter.
2. If something goes funky with your sound or visual, you best look into downloading drivers instead of wasting your time with the Help Glossary. There are free services on the net that scan your system and figure out what drivers need a boost.

I don't know much about computers at all. So, these are only suggestions...not true blue trouble shooting tips. They are just personal discoveries that helped me get my computer going yesterday. Once again, hooray!

No Reply

Though my job is usually stress-free, once in a while I get upset by a lack of good communication. Going back to my complaints about the computer age as far as communication goes, I feel ignored. That is, because I don't get responses. You see, we have to fill out these facilitator reports for each class about any problems that we had, etc. In one of my classes, the same problem happens each class period where the distance sites can't see the video from us in Logan, or any other sites besides Vernal and Roosevelt. Can't you imagine how annoying it would be to never be able to see your instructor?

Now, it is especially weird for video to be locked on two sites. When it's just on one, all that needs to be done usually is to adjust the "host" on the connection back to Logan, and restart the system. Anyway, every time this class starts I end up having to call the operations center, and they act like everything is working fine, because as it turns out, they happen to see everything just fine. In the midst of their confusion and me trying to convince them that, "No, we really can't see what you see," it takes about twenty minutes before the problem is miraculously solved. I say miraculously because I'm not sure what they do, and they don't tell me. All I end up figuring out is what I hear being whispered between faint faraway voices at the op. center. Once I heard the word "bridge"...so I included in my report that I believed that the problem was with the bridge. For each report, I describe the problem in detail, and then try to guess what was done to fix it. It's not really my job to explain why something weird happens, so much. I'm more behind the What?'s than the Why?'s in a lot of situations. But, I figure that if it really is so confusing to them, they might want a clue of how to fix it if it happens again.

But my report doesn't ever seem to do anything, because the next day the same problem occurs again and I'm back on the phone trying to convince some other guy that I've tried all the stuff he is recommending and suggesting, and that none of those things will work. If someone just remembered what they did to help, or made a report of their own, this wouldn't be a problem. And a waste of time. And a frustration. It's a bit like the movie Groundhog Day, but even worse because it isn't really the same day repeating itself over and over again. No, it just feels like it. Even if the problem could not be permenantly fixed, I think that I deserved a reply email to that effect. But, no reply. However, this class just ended today, so I don't have to deal with that nonsense anymore. Although, at least I finally found out what the culprit was, sorta. The guy I talked to today vaguely remembered hearing about our problem a while ago, and told me that two bridges were involved in the connection, rather than one. He didn't know what to do about that, though.

On top of this, yesterday I proctored a test out in the hallway. Somehow, other departments seem to be unaware of the schedule for Distance Ed., or that we are in their buildings doing classes, or that we even exist. First of all, I've seen a few occasions myself when a group has booked the same room at the same time we are doing a distance class, and they say that those who they made arrangements with claimed that the room was free. This is what happened yesterday. Not only could we not use the room (which for a distance ed. class requiring the cameras, mics, ect., a specific room is important), but it was a test day and the tests hadn't been delivered to the room as usual. "Great, my own manager forgot about me," I thought. And flustered and blushing I told the students that I would go to the computer lab and print out their tests, and that we would move to another room. For some reason, they wanted to take their tests in the hallway instead. It was kinda funny. We were all in a circle. After the people in our room left (after an hour!), I stole a coke out of the cooler they left in there. Ha! Luckily, the students didn't miss any of the lecture following the test, because the room was cleared by then. And it was a final exam review, so, I would have had an angry mob on my hands if they missed it. So, the double-booking of the rooms is just the one thing.

Another reason why I'm pretty sure no one knows about our class schedules is that last summer they started closing the library at five after the on-campus classes were over. Realizing that Distance Ed. still had classes going in the library well after five, I asked one of their employees about it. She said, "Classes are over."

"No," I corrected. "Distance Ed. classes are still going."

Once again, an oblivious reaction. Unfortunately, upon discovery of this fact, we evidently didn't have enough power in our department to warrant the library being open a few more hours. Incidently, the air conditioning wasn't going for a couple weeks either. So, it sure did suck when I had a class that started at eight, and I had to get there at five so I wouldn't be locked out (and to let everyone else in, of course). Seriously, I spent hours alone in the hot library because of it. That was kinda fun, though. I set up a scavenger hunt with cute little poetic riddles. And at the end was the book The Quest for Utopia, which in turn directed you to a pile of quarters. Ooh, it was a treasure hunt too, I guess.

Anyway, this is likely the only blog entry that I will write about work. For this job, at least. I was just a little irritated, so that's why I wrote it. I know it doesn't entertain much. I guess that getting ignored has always been a hot-button issue with me, from work to home, to friends, and of course, the government.

Actually, I'm so tired right now partly due to this issue. Not only am I tired from working a 12 day (still in the process), but I also walked a few miles this afternoon in the hot sun. The kicker was why I had to walk in the sun so much. I was waiting at a bus stop for twenty minutes and when the bus came the driver didn't see me, and passed by! It was so stupid, but it made me...sad. Ignored again. But, I did stop by a lemonade stand that I saw on my way home to get a drink...and I've been thinking just recently about how I'd like to pass by one of those. Huh.

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday was my 24th birthday! Originally, I was hoping to go to the concert for The Cure, but no one else really wanted to go, so we went and saw the new Indiana Jones. I suppose I'll give a little review without going into too much detail. So, since seeing it yesterday I've been wondering to myself whether this movie was a good one with some really stupid parts, or a bad one with some redeeming qualities. Right now, I'm leaning on the second choice.

First of all, the movie oddly starts out with the shot of a CGI prairie dog. At first I was wondering if this was actually a part of the movie, or if we were still watching Pixar previews. And if that wasn't enough, more of his CGI friends showed up later.

There were also a lot of very unplausable scenes. That, in itself, is not so bad. I mean, most action/adventure movies have those. But when the scene is something as ridiculous as Indiana surviving an atomic blast, and then rolling out of his lead-protectant fridge to look up at the mushroom cloud whose awesome force he has miraculously elluded...it's going too far. Now, if the scene were actually relevant to the plot, I might lighten up a little bit.

There are a couple other things that were bothersome. Corny lines, mostly. And scenes. Let's just hope that they don't really make Holes boy the new Indiana Jones.

There are, of course, some redeeming qualities (sadly, no Nazis). First of all, Marian's back. She's awesome! Also, the scenes in search of the skull were very true to the rest of the movies, and were very well done. I also thought that Cate Blanchett made a pretty cool villain. She somehow reminded me of the scene in Lord of the Rings where she was relating to Frodo what Galadriel would be like with the one ring. In this case, she covets the one skull to rule them all. But, she's not nearly as cool as these guys:


Don't you think?

Well, a thanks to all those who wished me a happy birthday and got me presents. After all these years, I still consider my birthday "my special day," and so I really appreciate it. I still haven't seen my parents yet, so I'll blog about my presents and other aspects of my Memorial Day weekend soon.

And I'm not really bummed about not going to The Cure because there are so many other concerts I want to go to this summer much more. Also, I've been too preoccupied listening to Rush to listen to The Cure like I was planning to before the concert anyway.

I Would Die Before Earning a Food Pellet

Once again, work is cancelled, and I showed up anyway. This time I was about 95% certain it was cancelled. That's the worst. I really wanted to sleep in, but that 5% was really nagging at me. Then as I was coming to work, I realized, to my dismay, that I would make an unintelligent lab rat. Well, that's if I were a lab rat. You see, there's this door code that I have to use for one of the doors, within which there is a set of two keys, with which to open two more doors, and two locks. Thus, you can see the importance of getting through the first door.

Anway, on the first day of class I couldn't open this door with my door code, so I called my manager to see if there was a new number for it. He said that I had the right number, but that I had to press the numbers very slowly and firmly. Well, he was right, and after that I was able to get it open...usually. I noticed that it only seemed to work when the duration between which I pressed the buttons was not exactly consistent between numbers, but I never could really pick up on the exact pattern. I just ended up coming early, to an already annoyingly early class, so that I could mess with the door code until it opened.

At some point, a few weeks, or maybe even a month later, I gradually became aware of the pattern. After pressing the first number, I had to pause for roughly a second, then enter the following four numbers in the usual fashion (with only slight pauses), and then finally pause roughly another whole second before entering the last number.

Anyway, that was a long story about a rather small and pathetic problem. Haha. But I realized that if I were a lab rat in some sort of experiment, I would probably die before earning a food pellet.

Truly, a Monday

I have no faith in the Jamba Juice Immunity Boost, because it seems as though I have a cold virus too now. I dislike the common cold more than root canal work. First of all, the virus comes in at least several hundred varieties, and thus, immunity is pretty impossible. Secondly, it is a virus, and so it has no cure. Thirdly, because it is "common," the world doesn't lend much sympathy. And yet as much as I hate the cold, it is only the annoying element to my ailments lately.

Well, the headache is basically gone by now, but will oddly resurface now and again with a brief and distinct pulse of pain in either Temporal Lobe (it's a mystery which until it happens). Wow, details of a headache... haha, what a blog. And sadly, this Tuesday is, in fact, Monday, and thus I should have had a 12 hr. day on campus. Well, I skipped school, but no one volunteered to work any of my classes tonight (but I sent out late notice, so, I don't blame anyone). So, I'm stuck at work now with a fever. Could be worse, my brother went to work yesterday with a bad flu. His job keeps him on his feet more, too. And I'm sure he doesn't screw around on the internet like I do. At least I'm proud of the fact that I've only had one sick day in my life.

In happy news, I don't have a Physics test tomorrow like I thought I might. But if that was the case, I'm sure I'd fail it. It's not for another week! And tomorrow is Wed., even though today is Monday. That's good too, I like Wed. Although, I guess I won't be able to keep up my semi-recent Wed. tradition of library movies and Tiny Spicy Chicken. I justify the expense of weekly Chinese food with the fact that library movies are free. The library really does have a lot of classics I haven't seen before. And they have a lot of Shakespeare, which is cool because there are a lot of versions to compare. I just started watching a version of Hamlet last night that has the actor who played Lockhart from Harry Potter...and he's really awesome. He's a much better Hamlet than Mel Gibson. Incidently, it also has the actor that played Peter Petegrin (sp?) in Harry Potter, as well. Maybe I'll finish it tonight.

By the by, did anyone catch Emo Phillips at Wise Guys this weekend?

ER Visit

I guess not a day goes by lately that doesn't have some drama or other to it, whether of my own or my friends. I still have a nasty throbbing headache from over a day ago, that doesn't seem to go away despite how many different kinds of pain killers I've been taking. Ah, not so bad. I am doing much better than yesterday. I'd been feeling sick all day, but at about 7 I was completely confined to my bed, pretty much unable to move. All of my roommates were gone for the weekend, and another was at work, so I felt pretty helpless. I felt like I'd faint of dehydration without a drink of water, but I didn't want to get out of bed to get one.

I eventually realized that my phone was only a foot away, so I texted Todd Labrum, the only guy in the ward whose number is in my phone (which I will soon remedy), and asked him if he could ask if some guys in the ward would be able to give me a blessing. A little later, Joseph and Kevin came over, and I was able to get a Priesthood Blessing. That was cool of them, and it eased my mind, but I was still in pain. It was right about the time when my roommate Jenny came home from work that I decided I needed to go to the ER. What luck.

Anyway, it wasn't such a serious visit as many ER visits can be, but, my insistence that I was having "kidney pain" wasn't dismissed this time. It has been in the past, and in general, I do not like General Practicioners. "You mean, back pain?" they would ask. "No," I'd say, a little annoyed. It was just a kidney infection, but the fever and nausa accompanying it really felt horrible. I was able to get an IV of antibiotics, which I was glad for because I wanted to get some fluid without having to drink any. And I had to stick around until my fever and crazy pulse of 155 went down.

Anyway, I'm obviously feeling better now that I have some drugs, and have the effort to eat and drink. So, not too bad of a situation after all, but it felt pretty bad for a few hours. I think I've had these infections on and off for quite a while without any medicine, so, my body was bound to get pissed about that. Next time I will do better to convince the doctor that I really DO know the difference between organ pain, and muscle pain. And if he doesn't believe it, he can believe my medical history. Or I will just make the effort to go to the doctor more often, when I know I should.

Anyway, a thank you to Jenny, Todd, Joseph, Kevin, aloof medical staff, and Dave for the big and little favors. And I'm happy to still be on mommy's insurance. Although, I'm sure most of you won't read this, especially the aloof medical staff. Ah well, aloofness is STILL better than patronizing skepticism.