I'll "Get" You, My Pretty, and Your Little Blog Too...

As much as I wanted to resist the trend of blogging when it was surfacing a few years ago, I think I can now admit that I’ve always enjoyed reading and writing them. I was just resistant because it was popular. I think that’s the same reason I avoided reading any Harry Potter books until about after the third film was made (even when my mom gave one to me for Christmas). In fact, I got an unwanted Harry Potter book on two separate Christmases. I came to find out later that the second incident was just a chance for someone to get rid of his ex-wife’s book. “Great…thanks…” But now, I honestly can say they are entertaining enough, but not my thing.

Oh, yes, so, what I was getting at with the fact that I like reading blogs is that I was the sort of child that practically coveted the idea of journal reading. It was honestly difficult for me to not read my family members' journals. Sad, I know. What’s worse is that I remember the time I cracked. I enjoyed learning that my brother had a crush on the star of the high school musical, yet, I also felt rightfully guilty. Now with people writing blogs, there is no more guilt to be had. The people that write them WANT readers, and comments, and…heck, maybe some of them want web-browsing strangers reading their blogs too (never saw the point of that personally, though). So, that curiosity I had as a child is now somewhat catered. Unfortunately, not enough people I know (care about) write one, and apparently not enough of my good friends and family share my curiosity, and want to read mine.

I was babysitting for my brother Scott the other day, and happened to mention something about my blog. He asked, “So, essentially, it’s a journal?” I hesitated for a sec, and essentially agreed. He seemed uninterested in the idea. Okay, so, that’s fine that he doesn’t care to hear about the life and thoughts of some stranger, but I think something that gets close to the journal of a family member sounds very interesting to read. In fact, at one time I thought it would be cool to be an English teacher, because they get to read so much of their students’ work, and thus get to know them better than the teachers of the other subjects, I would wager. I think that was the case for me. My English teachers seemed to know me pretty well. At least, they seemed to like me pretty well. Anyhow, I’m guessing there must be some people like me, or else there would be no need for those little diaries with the locks on them. I never had one of those. I guess I didn’t mind if someone read what I had to say.

This reminds me of a writing group I was involved with a few years back called Literary Den. I used to spend some time on the Bebo social network, as this is where a good friend (Beanbag Skratchbob) advertised and posted his music. We both ended up posting some of the chapters from books we were working on there as well. By way of that, I joined a small writers group that eventually evolved into Literary Den. As I came to find out, it was mostly a bunch of teenagers. But surprisingly, I enjoyed being a part of it despite the fact. I honestly found it fulfilling to learn about these kids from the UK. I read their stories, gave them feedback, and participated as a moderator for their website. I actually also found myself praying for personal concerns I knew that they were facing. I shared an email with my testimony to one of them, and shared the LDS.org website with another. It was an experience that I would say is completely the opposite of times on Facebook where you make “friends” with a bunch of people you know, but never talk to them.

My Beanbag Skratchbob friend (aka Dave), told me it was a neat service I was giving, reading these kids’ stories while I was at work (some being incredibly long), and getting back to them within a couple days. It didn’t seem that way to me at all. I enjoyed it. I felt that their work deserved some attention and praise after all the time they put into it. They deserved to know that the world was a little bit more aware of them. If that was service, I hope that the many other service opportunities I will have down the line will be so easy and enjoyable.

I admit, I’m not the most charitable person in the world. I am usually fully aware when I am doing service for people. I'm pretty sure there is something about that awareness and the spirit of the act that are incongruous. I need some practice with willingly (and unconciously) extending more service. How do you practice something that you hope to do unconciously? Yes, I ask more questions to avoid doing things...

I guess there is that one strength I may have regarding the matter, that I love getting to know people better. To this aim, it's really pretty fun and enlightening not only to read various writings, but to also inquire after the meaning behind music compositions, and works of art. My nephew Brandon is a pretty amazing artist, and was showing me a notebook full of his drawings. I asked about some of the creatures he had drawn, saying that they reminded me of C.S. Lewis's childhood drawings, as well as old Genesis album covers. Turns out, the creatures were the imagimary friends that he and his brother had as little kids. Honestly, what's more interesting than learning about childhood imaginary friends? Especially when they looked like satyrs and foxes?

I always wanted to have had an imaginary friend! I feel like I wasn't as creative or delightfully crazy (as kids are allowed to be) as I would have liked to be. So, looking at the sketchbook was truly the highlight of that day. Hmm, but perhaps the fact that I actually enjoy that sort of thing makes it, in fact, selfish. Lousy Immanuel Kant! No one is ever good enough according to him!

...well, thanks for reading. I actually started out with something more relevant in mind to say, but ended up with this. This. For your sakes, though, at least you know I like to read your blogs :)

"A being darkly wise and rudely great"

It looks as though I might have more back pain to come, as now I will be sitting at a computer for almost a good 40 hr a week. More money, though. Anyway, with all this time to spend with a computer in front of me, I've decided to do some online writing classes. The structure of a syllabus and all will hopefully force me to write regularly. I'm going to do a creative writing class
and a reading and writing short stories one. I actually think that getting into short stories would be a good idea, since the idea of doing a whole novel seems like too much. And if I've feigned to learn anything valuable from What About Bob?, it's baby steps.

Interestingly, while I was browsing some of this open courseware, I stumbled upon something that reminded me of one of my main characters, Hadrian, in the book I want to continue writing. Though, I never seem to get around to that. Pretty pathetic, actually. Anyway, these words are by Alexander Pope. I'm not sure if it is meant to be a poem, but it is a poetic expression of the nature of man, only a part of his larger Essay on Man.

Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,

The proper study of mankind is Man.

Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,

A being darkly wise and rudely great:

With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,

With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,

He hangs between, in doubt to act or rest;

In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast;

In doubt his mind or body to prefer;

Born but to die, and reas'ning but to err;

Alike in ignorance, his reason such,

Whether he thinks too little or too much;

Chaos of thought and passion, all confused;

Still by himself abused or disabused;

Created half to rise, and half to fall:

Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;

Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurl'd;

The glory, jest, and riddle of the world!

Wow, it really reminds me of how I picture Hadrian. Actually, I haven't included him in that much of what I have written yet, but he has a major role. If you'd like to learn a little about him, he shows up in chapter 1, 2, 8(?), and 10.

I've always want to create complex characters, and so that is my goal with writing The Secret of Aïdoneus. I hope to use a little of what I have learned from the bit of philosophy I have read over the last couple of years. Actually, the first thing I can remember reading that got me thinking philisophically was Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH when I was 12. I remember being really interested in the notion that the rats wanted to move to a destitute place they called Thorn Valley, and away from the comfort of the rose bush. They knew it was wrong to steal from the farmer, and so they decided to sacrifice their life with abudant food and electricity for something much more meager. I thought about it a lot, as well as the idea that the more we learn and are priveledged to discover, the more we are expected to develop a higher sense of morality. Not only that, but that the more we learn, the more we should desire to do so.

I also considered the other side, the opponent Jenner. What sort of a personality would a person develop if he had a lot of knowledge, but didn't desire to be more moral? What kind of fate would he have? Or perhaps, and I doubt I considered this then, what if he really thought that he was, in fact, becoming better, when he actually was becoming more corrupt? That is the real characteristic about the villain that I have come to be fascinated by as I have gotten older. I think it's interesting that these little questions I had as a kid are obviously still significant in my mind. These are the questions I want to wrestle around with, in a more mature manner, with my character Hadrian.

Kicking off the Break

I think I'm still sick after taking two different kinds of antibiotics. Ugh...I think the infection has been lingering, at times in latency, for years now. It doesn't want to go away quietly. A pox on it! Anyway, I'm now officially on my spring break. Like usual, no big plans at all. I never have much money when it comes around. And so, I'm thinking to save up a little fund, just for next year's spring break (my last!...finally). I vow it will be a good one. For now, I'm just enjoying spending some time with the family. I want to perhaps do a bit of writing as well, which I never really get around to besides letters and school papers.

Honestly, I think that the major writer's block I have on some projects is due to the fact that I have recently become disenchanted with fiction. Oh, no, that's not entirely right. No, to say "disenchanted with fiction" is to say...something I would never hope to truly feel. I take it back. What I mean is that I am more inspired by nonfiction lately (last couple of years). I actually bought this book a couple summers ago from the USU bookstore on writing nonfiction. I haven't read it yet, actually. Half my bookshelf is unread. I like to buy books, hoping to get around to reading them. I hate renting them from the library, as I love to write comments in the margins...occasionally just a "haha" if I find something amusing. It's fun to write comments, and quotes, etc. Actually, my "nonfiction writing" is probably half quotations that come to my head as I think about ideas. I'd really like to shake that habit, I mean, shouldn't I be writing the quotable? But, maybe my writing will just be an enthusiastic account of my reading. Fine enough, as long as it makes me happy, and helps me down the line somehow...to remember.

My weekend was pretty fun, I guess. That date was a bit weird, but only because it was a group date...that didn't seem like a date, and then it did again. Somehow I didn't end up talking to the guy that asked me much at all, or riding in his car, and another guy ended up paying for three dinners. His, mine, and his "date's"...I suppose. Suffice to say that any group date of a somewhat confusing nature is not much of one, so I don't feel quite as bad. Er, yeah.

Speaking of group dates, I just went to the Red Carpet Date Night at the Capital building last night. Matt was going with a group from his ward that didn't have dates, and I came along too. I love that building! It is so beautiful. Especially when I saw it a couple months ago when it was snowing. Really, the only dances I have been to have been in gyms and the like. Not the best atmosphere. So, I loved going there.

The most hilarious part was when that horrible song Cotton-Eyed Joe started up and my brother and I happened to both take a very conspicuous if not wild dash away from our respective places on the dance floor only to meet at the stairwell that had yellow tape preventing our escape. Unfortunately, living in Utah, there is too much country played at some dances. But, if it pleases the crowd...whatever...make the morons happy. Haha, you know, I don't suspect that calling country-lovers morons will come off too offensive as none of my family members or good friends are into it at all. What an irrational love of bad music. I did dance to a country slow song, but, you can't refuse a guy based on the music. I have before, though. Tisk, tisk, I was a jerk. But the song was really bad! And he knew me, so he understood my repulsion to country.

I actually thought about a dance that my friend Patrick held a couple years back, and remember that it was incredibly fun because I got to submit my own music. It counts so much! Even more than marble pillars. But that's just my gripe because I don't listen to what most people do. Although, I do listen to popular music, only decades behind. I kinda wish I was into lesser known or underground artists (same thing?). Access to the unpopular is, of course, less accessible. I wish that Logan had a lot of local bands and shows. There is a Battle of the Bands in a few weeks though, which is free. I'll be there! And the winner plays at Eve 6. I might go to that too, especially if I like the band that wins the battle. Game on!