My Black Fortress is Now at 90 Hillside

I smell like Indian food. I'd be more specific, but, I don't know what we had cooking in our kitchen today exactly. I decided to try the stuff because it was deep fried. There's not a whole lot I've tried deep fried that has disappointed too much. I think I only managed three or four courtesy bites before I pulled the, "It's a little too spicy for me" card. Although, I wouldn't mind if it were so spicy that I could see through time. In my defense, I honestly don't even like pepper (as I deem it "spicy" as well). Peppers too, but I mean simple ground pepper. That reminds me, I think that my apartment's pepper is in the ward's supply closet, and I said I'd look for it.

Last Monday was what our stake calls "Aloha Night." Being one of the co-chairs for the activities committee, it was my job to plan the thing. Not really being the sort that feels great about asking for help outside of the committee (which was very slim in numbers at the time), I ended up basically setting up all the tables and chairs myself. Heidi helped for a little while. My back muscles were sore for a while. Still a little, maybe. But I've got a refridgerator drawer full of leftover baked potatoes. Potatoes are totally Hawaiian, in case you were wondering. So is Bob Marley...as I didn't know what other music to play. The funny thing is, when asking the Bishop if I could play Bob Marley, he didn't know who that was. Seriously. Anyway, that's why I brought my apartment's pepper up to the church in the first place. For Aloha potatoes. I was actually released from that calling last Sunday. Just before Aloha Night actually. But you can't really hand an activity over to someone else based on a technicality like that. And I'm now an FHE coordinater (aka Grandma, I guess). I'm still waiting around to see who is called to be the Grandpa.

I'm also in a new apartment again. Surprise, surprise...not really, huh? This will be the...now hold on a sec...the seventh place I've lived at since college. And the eighth move. I really drag around everything I own. I was going to take some pictures of some of the bizarre things I hold onto...but, I don't care about this blog that much. And neither do YOU, I wouldn't hesitate too much to say. Suffice to actually say, though, I was embarrassed enough on the last move. I got a friend of mine to help out who in so doing commented that one of the boxes started singing to him, and I had to admit that the stuffed singing gorilla he gave me for Valentines a while back was in it. It was kinda awkward, especially since I'm in no way especially attached to that gorilla, or the boy. I just don't throw much out.

Speaking of which, my room is a disaster heap. I don't know how to start putting things away, and it's been a week! I'll figure it out. I'll also have to figure out what clothes of mine I have that I can consider "business casual." My clinical instructor mentioned that phrase the other day, and then actually started to list items of clothes that he thought might fall into this category for girls...but only because I looked confused. Rest assured, I know what he meant...I was just confused as to if I really had much that would qualify. Of course, like any girl I like nice clothes, and I like the business casual look. But unlike most girls, I don't find spending money on clothes too desirable. Most of the time. They just wear out in a few years, right? I'm sure my attitude will change once I have more money. For now, buying music, movies, and books is more emotionally purging. In fact, I just bought Krull and IT on dvd last night, two movies I remember from my childhood, for only $10. Sweet, sweet memories...of killer clowns and black fortresses that move each sunrise. I carry around a lot of nostalgic baggage too. I'd have it no other way.

Rank the Reprobates

So, I was thinking about this activity that I did in one of my classes last semester where we read a story and ranked the characters from 1-5 as to who we personally thought had the worst moral character. It was so interesting to see the differences in everyone's answers. You can really learn a lot about people's values. Good thing we weren't graded by response, because my ranking was practically the opposite of the instructor's. I'd like to hear what anyone reading thinks. Here's the story:

Once upon a time there lived a girl named Abigail who was in love with a boy named Gregory. Gregory had an unfortunate accident and broke his glasses. Abigail, being a true friend, volunteered to take them to be repaired. But the repair shop was across the river, and during a sudden flood the bridge was washed away. Poor Gregory could see nothing without his glasses, so Abigail was desperate to get across the river to the repair shop. While she was standing forlornly on the bank of the river, clutching the broken glasses in her hands, a boy named Sinbad glided by in a rowboat.

She asked Sinbad if he would take her across. He agreed to do it on condition that while she was having the glasses repaired, she would go to a nearby store and steal a transistor radio that he had been wanting. Abigail refused to do such a thing and went to see a friend named Ivan who had a boat.

When Abigail told Ivan her problem, he said he was too busy to help her out and didn't want to be involved. Abigail, worried about Gregory, and feeling that now she had no other choice, returned to Sinbad and told him she would have to agree to his plan.

When Abigail returned the repaired glasses to Gregory, she told him what she had had to do. Gregory was appalled at what she had done and told her he never wanted to see her again.

Abigail, upset, turned to Slug with her tale of woe. Slug was so sorry for Abigail that he promised her he would get even with Gregory. They went to the school playground where he was playing ball and Abigail watched while Slug beat Gregory up and broke his glasses again.

This is how I responded:

1. Gregory- Surprised? I think telling a friend that you never want to see them again (and meaning it) is horrible. Ironically, without his glasses, he got his wish.
2. Abigail- She'll do anything for love and for revenge. Scary.
3. Sinbad- He preys on the weak and desperate to get what he wants.
4. Ivan- Not a great friend if he doesn't want to be involved with her problem.
5. Slug- He might be further up on the list if he hadn't beaten up the first guy on the list.

Though, it doesn't even really say that Gregory really considers Abigail a friend, or if Abigail always wants a ride on Ivan's boat, or how badly Slug gave Gregory a beating, or if Sinbad needs a transistor radio to help some other unfortunate soul. And I can't do this activity at all keeping in mind that these are children. So, I ignored that point. Anyway, my point is, there are a lot of factors that influence how we judge people (all different), and more importantly a lot of things we don't know altogether.

Hope

I'd just like to take a minute and share with everyone that I have a strong testimony of fasting. It really seems to dramatically increase the power of prayer. It also increases our ability to feel and be guided by the Spirit to an astounding degree. Though not one of my most faith-building fasts, I realized that the one I had yesterday was certainly acknowledged by the Lord. I take a minute on the Saturday night before fast Sunday and think who needs a fast, someone I know or me. I decided that I needed one myself, as lately I have that feeling that I suspect creeps in around a person's entry into her seventh year of college. A bit of hopelessness. Regarding mostly everything. I don't like to ever think of myself as being depressed or lacking optimism. I mean, my favorite author and American hero is Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of the most inspiring and optimistic men in history. It boggles my mind that people can honestly feel a way they don't want to feel. Such is reality. Anyway, I fasted for Hope. Unspecific besides, just hope. Today I picked up the new August Ensign that our home teacher had handed me yesterday (I wish I had read the cover then!) and the cover story was, "Single and Steadfast: Lessons in Hope."

Now, of course there are countless people that obviously can benefit from this message, nevertheless, I was overjoyed with thanks for how personal it felt when I read the phrase, "lessons in hope." It was nice to read it and come to grips with the fact that so many people struggle with maintaining hope in one way or another. That is logically obvious, but the real deal is that when you feel that way, you feel alone. One major area of concern for me is the feeling that I am not progressing, and I feel that others around me moving onto careers, marriage, missions, and so on are. I was impressed with a new way to evaluate myself when I read in the article, "Progress is any movement toward peaceful acceptance of whatever the future may hold." I have never heard such a comforting and introspective definition. While suddenly developing a bold and excited view of what is to come (which I thought is what I would need) really seems a bit unrealistic to me at this time, I feel that developing peace inside myself is definitely something I can achieve.